


Let the Light Back In

by YourRegina4Ever



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, swan queen is endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-17 17:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3537836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourRegina4Ever/pseuds/YourRegina4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deciding that Storybrooke isn’t where they want to raise their newborn son, Emma and Regina move away without telling anyone. Emma is looking for work while Regina starts working as a press secretary for the local senator.  After Regina loses both Emma and Henry one tragic night, she spirals into an alcohol-dependent depression. What happens when you’re forced to live the same event over and over again? Can love be enough to overcome death or will death gladly take another one from the Swan-Mills household?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this about a year ago, and I told myself, “This is kind of dark. Why am I writing this? I need to go lie down and listen to some music or read some fluffy McFluff stuff”. Then, a few months ago, I resumed working on this. I once had a roommate who asked me why I drank so much, and at the time I laughed it all off. I had friends who I would go drinking with since most of them were turning 21, so why wouldn’t I go drinking with them to celebrate? 
> 
> I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying, “Bottling things up is never good.” Or “How can you expect to live in the present if you’re stuck in the past?” I didn’t realize that I had bottled up so much that I had turned to alcohol. It wasn’t until about a few weeks ago when I talked to my friend/beta reader about my alcohol consumption that I realized just how much I had really been affected by the memories I had tried so hard to keep buried in the past. 
> 
> Long story short, writing offers me solace and a kind of peace and comfort no one can take away from me. Anyway, enjoy the story. Reviews are appreciated as always. :) Song suggestions are marked by an asterisk (*).

* **Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles**

 

The day’s almost over. And here you are in the same dress you had on the night before. You refill your glass with several ice cubes before pressing it against your forehead in the slightest chance it will relieve some of the ache found in your heart and mind. You roll your glass side to side before removing it from your forehead and taking one swish.

 

You look to your left and see a picture of the three of you, one of the last ones you ever took as a family. You slowly, begrudgingly get up and walk around the room gazing at the framed pictures that hang upon the walls. You look at them one by one until you get into the center of the room and sit down after taking off your heels.

 

You glance at the drink dangling in your hand precariously before finishing it off and pouring another. It won’t be the last one for the night, and it certainly won’t be the last one you’ll ever have. You take the picture that’s standing on its stilts and pull it close to your chest. You trace the edges of the frame before letting your fingers draw out the figures in front of you, as if you could ever forget how they looked. It’s you, your wife, and your son. The very last picture you took before that chilling nightmare of a day ever took place – before someone ever dared to take away your happiness.

 

* * *

  
 

One more gulp and you’re back on that beach making sandcastles and dipping his toes into the water to show him there’s nothing to be afraid of before you go further into the ocean. Your wife tells you to go carry him into the water with you, so she can take some pictures of the two of you. Hours later, with your son passed out, you and your wife sit and watch the sunset over the ocean before making the long three hour drive back home.

 

* * *

 

***Here With Me by Susie Suh x Robot Koch**

 

Another gulp and it’s your wedding night. You two running off and leaving your guests to entertain themselves as you two begin your married life. One sip and you feel those strong arms of hers lifting you up and carrying you bridal style. You place the glass down as you let yourself remember that night. You get up to turn on the record player and shut your eyes. It’s the same song that was played during your first dance together as newlyweds.

 

You will yourself to keep your eyes closed so that they don’t betray you like reality has done. You dance and laugh. She’s as beautiful as the day you met her, if not more. You praise her with your eyes on her making sure to never miss an inch of her body as she leads you both. She whispers the nickname you’ve grown to love. You hear yourself laugh with her and she pulls you in close. As she’s about to place her lips on yours, you’re awakened by the beeping brought on by your alarm clock.

 

* * *

 

You look around and find yourself in the bedroom you once shared together. You notice you’re tucked in, but you know you were far too drunk to even get yourself up the stairs last night. The name of your dead wife leaves your lips. Like that, you get up and throw a shot glass against the door before taking another swallow of the rum you keep hidden, or used to keep hidden because you knew what it did to you. It made you dwell in the past reliving each moment. That’s why you always refused to drink it. It makes you remember every memory you’ve made.

 

You chuckle knowing how ironic this all is. Because the rum? It’s been your saving grace since that night. _That damn night_. The rum manages to take away your fears of ever forgetting them, so you gladly drink and swallow past the bitterness of the drink itself.

 

You had just gotten off work, and you had stopped at a convenience store to pick up some flowers like you did every week for your wife. You turned around and before you paid for the flowers, you saw a small teddy bear next to a balloon and paid for it as well. By the time you made the final turn into the neighborhood to get to your house, you noticed sirens in the distance. A sinking feeling hit you and you quickly put your car in park before running to your house. You trip and throw your heels against a tree, not caring where they end up. The only thing that mattered in this moment was getting home to make sure your family was okay. You see your house wrapped with yellow caution tape, and you lift it up and try getting inside but a police officer holds you back.

 

You beg and plead as you try to get out of the officer’s grasp, but he won’t let go and for good reason. It’s then you look up and see two gurneys with body bags on each of them. You scream and cry out for them, but another police officer holds you. That’s when another set of paramedics come on the scene and have to sedate you.

 

* * *

 

* **Salvage by MTNS**

 

You look at the time and know you have to get going. You have to make a living. But for what? Your son’s college fund? Whose tuition do you need to pay when your child is buried next to your wife? Then, you’re left with the same question you ask yourself every day before you go to sleep and before you go to work; why couldn’t it have been you? Why couldn’t it have been you at home during the invasion? Why couldn’t it have been her still at work while you waited for her to come back home? Why couldn’t it have been “Take Your Child to Work” Day, so that he could’ve been with her? _Why?_

 

You leave all your doors unlocked and your windows as well, hoping that some burglars show up with guns and knives, and they panic and shoot you and/or cut you open leaving you on the floor bleeding to death, so your wish of being reunited with your family can be granted. But every time you come back home, you notice your windows are locked and so are your doors. Luckily, as a force of habit, you bring your keys with you before you leave.

 

Maybe someone’s watching you to make sure you’re safe. You scoff at the notion. You think to yourself, “Where the hell were they when my Emma and our sweet little Henry were murdered?”

Then, you’re left to ask yourself, “Where was I?” The answer is simple enough – not where you were needed the most – home.

 

Sure, you had turned away from God and religion, but surely, God wouldn’t be so cruel to take away _everything_ from you, right? Surely, your sins from your past, a life you don’t even recognize as yours anymore, wouldn’t have been the reason for this to happen, right?

 

* * *

 

Every day after work, like second nature, you go to an ABC store and purchase three bottles of rum, a bottle of Jack, and two bottles of Smirnoff. So what if you drink yourself to death? Who cares? At this point, certainly not you.

 

You make it back home and put the alcohol in the fridge. You look around to see what’s there to eat for dinner, and there’s nothing. Nothing, but an individually wrapped slice of Kraft cheese and a box of baking soda. You close the door to the fridge and recall a time when it would always be filled. There would always be at least two cartons of eggs and those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets your son liked so much. Of course, he would separate the “Sharp Tooth” from the “Leaf-eaters”, terms you remember from all those times you had family movie nights and the only movies your son would want to watch were the Land Before Time movies.

 

As you start pouring yourself the first of many drinks that night, you look toward the living room and think of the late afternoons where your wife would be sitting in her recliner while your son would be on his mat either working on a puzzle, drawing another masterpiece to hang up either in his room, your office, or on the fridge, or playing with his dinosaurs. To think, you left Storybrooke to be safe, yet here you stand. Alone. Childless and wifeless. You were all better off dealing with Gold, your mother, Hook, and all of them instead of being out here.

 

* * *

 

You hear a soft voice, and you’re safely back there in your dreams – dreams of better times since in your reality, you’re left with the cold-crushing truth that no one who loves you just as much as you love them is alive. Right now, you’re leaning against the door to the nursery as you listen to your wife hum your son to sleep. A sound you know you would never get tired of hearing. Your son falls asleep first before your wife does. You go inside and gently take your son and place him in his crib. You kiss him good night before turning your attention to your wife. You carry her back to your room and help change her into her pajamas before you do the same and join her in bed. You hold her in your arms and do your best to stay in that memory. Your memory lasts for several minutes before you take another sip of your cider and lean back into the chair as you allow yourself to sink into more memories.

 

* * *

 

* **Burn It Up All Night by Sweet Talker**

 

You wake up and feel yourself being carried the same way your wife used to carry you when she was alive. You don’t want to open your eyes in case this is another dream, but you know you have to. You discreetly open one eye and the sight almost causes you to gasp aloud.

 

You see a blonde haired woman with emerald eyes. Her locks of curly hair sway side to side as she continues to carry you up the stairs. She puts you down in your bed and kisses you on the forehead. You instantly grab her and pull her in for a kiss. You’re surprised to feel warmth instead of air. You never want to let her go again, but she pulls back. You look up at her in confusion.

 

She opens her mouth to speak, “Regina, it’s me.”

 

You let out a gut wrenching sob as you repeat the words, “You’re not my Emma,” over and over again before slipping back into the darkness that fills every crack and crevice of your heart and mind. To think, it’s been seven years since that day, seven years of this so-called surviving, yet the ghost of your dead wife continues to haunt you.

 

* * *

 

Across the street, a woman sits on the passenger side in a yellow Camaro.

 

“Why can’t I tell her I’m alive? She’s my wife! She needs to know the truth! She needs to know that Henry and I are still alive! Please!”

 

“What would you exactly say to her? That you’ve been alive for the past _seven_ years and you haven’t so much as contacted her – at least having the decency to let her know that those two body bags were _decoys_?”

 

“You came to me and said that my family was in danger, and I listened to you!”

 

“Was I lying?”

 

“ _No_. You weren’t lying.”

 

“Now, look. Your wife thinks you’re a ghost. Let her be. At least we allow you to go see her every now and again. If you want to be back with your wife, you will continue to follow orders. Is that understood?”

 

“I guess so, _Mrs. Mills_.”

 

* * *

 

* **Stakes by Vancouver Sleep Clinic**

 

In the morning, you wake up and find arms wrapped around you. You gently get out of bed and look at Ruby, Emma’s best friend. She comes every now and again making sure you’re still alive, and stays an entire week that just so happens to fall on the same week you lost them. Yet, you both know why she continues to come time after time. You know she’s got feelings for you, but every time you two start to do more than kiss, you break down and cry. And every time, she holds you in her arms as she whispers, “It’s okay, Regina. It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything else.”

 

You ask yourself how you can move on as you recall your wedding vows.

 

_I will not want for more than for your love all the days of my life and for all the days of our new life together. You have given me all that I could ever ask for and all that I could ever want. Not only have you given me love and shown me how to love, you have given me the one thing I never dreamed of ever having – a home. You are my home, Emma Swan. With this ring, know that no one will ever have me completely, but you and only you. I love you._

 

Maybe one day you can move on and allow yourself to be happy. The first step is to get rid of all the alcohol – from the empty bottles scattered around the house to the not-so-secret stashes. You know it’s been far too long since you allowed yourself to truly live. After all, isn’t that what hearts were made for? To live and love? Not just surviving or doing whatever your existence has come to these days.

 

You hear Ruby slightly stir and as you look at the sleeping beauty in your bed again, you realize that you can allow yourself to move on and love again. For the first time since that night, you let yourself go back to sleep in the arms of a woman that’s not her, your Emma, and you think that maybe you can love again, especially since Ruby’s the woman who has been more of your saving grace than anyone or anything has been in a very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such an amazing response from you all that I decided to go ahead and continue by making this a multi-chapter fic. I am doing a slight time jump from where the first chapter ended. This chapter will be set on Christmas Day, which reminds me that I didn’t specify a time such as month or year since I didn’t know if I was going to make this a one-shot or not. In this fic, the current year is 2012. As always, song suggestions are in bold, and reviews are greatly appreciated. Also, shout out to one of my betas, Lucy!
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT: Emma and Henry are still ALIVE!!! Emma faked their deaths as seen towards the end of the first chapter. In this chapter, Emma still hasn't revealed to Regina she is alive, so Emma has to manage to get to Regina without Cora knowing. I can't reveal too much, but this story will remain a SWAN QUEEN story. And will have two alternate endings. So please try to remember that I do know how to properly tag my stories. Thank you :)

**December 25, 2012**

***Something Something by Kaskade ft. Zip Zip Through the Night**

Today marks yet another Christmas without your wife and son. As hard as you try and fight it, the memories of your last Christmas together invade your mind just like the snowflakes that overcome the window panes with their layering crystallized softness.

You had opened your eyes to two of your favorite faces grinning down at you that morning, just as you did every Christmas. This is the one time of year when Emma and Henry managed to wake up before you did. They would each kiss one of your cheeks and shout "Merry Christmas", the second you shifted. You followed slowly behind as they raced down the stairs, your wife mirroring the jovial excitement of your son. Christmas breakfast consisted of you making your infamous cinnamon apple pancakes and hot chocolate with a dash of cinnamon to match. You would pass Emma and Henry their own cans of whipped cream, so they could get started on making their “snow” decorations on their pancakes. Henry would make a snowman, while Emma would make a smiley face and use up the rest of the whipped cream into her hot chocolate. Like always, you would make a different design from the year before. That year, you made two parent swans with their foreheads pressed together to look as if they were a heart while a baby swan was in the middle, representing your beautiful family. The tree was always surrounded by heaps of gifts, the majority of which were addressed to Henry. After ripping each present open, you and your wife would laugh and smile as Henry took pictures of his presents from Santa with his tiny disposable camera.

One year, when you finished opening the rest of your gifts, Henry immediately sat on your lap holding a card while Emma sat by your side and placed a small red velvet box in front of you. Inside was a silver necklace with a double infinity pendant. Emma looked on lovingly as Henry explained the meaning of the charm – they would both love you forever and always. As soon as Emma placed it around your neck, you knew you would never take it off ever again. Staring at them through your eyes in that moment, you had no reason to believe that they would ever leave you on your own.

 

* * *

 

 

***Kalypso by Sorrow**

The change of song on the radio stirs you from your memory. You look closely at the tree and eye a little macaroni ornament. Henry had made it when he was in preschool and as soon as you had come home from work, he ran up to you and handed it over to you.

_“Henry, why didn’t you and Mama hang it up when the two of you were decorating the tree earlier?”_

_“I wanted to wait for you, Mommy.”_

_“Thank you, my sweet prince. Now, let’s go hang it up and then we can go bake cookies for Santa when he comes tonight.”_

_“Yay, Santa! Can we put this at the top, Mommy?”_

_“We can put this beautiful ornament anywhere you’d like.”_

 As you held it in the palm of your hand and listened to the woman you had grown to love dance and sing in the kitchen, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe one day, your heart could ever have room for another child.  

* * *

 

***Who We Want To Be by Tom Day**

While today, marks the seventh Christmas without your wife and son, it also marks the first Christmas you spend with a woman who loves you and has never left your side, even in your darkest moments. You look at the decorations set all around the room, and your gaze stops right where two stockings hang side by side. Where three stockings embroidered with the letters E, R, and H used to be, now hang two stockings with the letter R on each of them.

You know you have to let the past go. You know that even though you’ve gotten rid of all the bottles and completely quit drinking any alcohol, that the necklace you refuse to remove from your neck keeps you from moving forward. Today is the day you take off that necklace that represents the broken promises of long ago and guides your heart from the past to a new future.

And for the first time, in a very long time, you don’t celebrate the holiday with a drink in your hand and an almost empty bottle in the other. You can’t help but smile and laugh because while Ebenezer Scrooge was haunted by the ghost of Christmas past, your ghosts have not managed to do that to you since the day you asked Ruby to stay. As you both cuddle up by the fireplace, you couldn’t think of anyone else you would give your heart to after losing Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will go back to the morning after when Regina wakes up in bed and realizes it was Ruby next to her. It will be longer than this chapter, and you will also find out whether or not Emma decided to show up again. Also, for those of you who read To Love Her Always, I will mention the double infinity symbol again just because it does mean a lot to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm back! Like I said in the last chapter, this third chapter will continue right where chapter one left off. This chapter will show the beginning of the healing process for Regina. Reviews and messages are more than welcome and if you would like to message me, my new tumblr is regina-to-her-emma. 
> 
> *Song suggestion: Saturn by Sleeping At Last

The sun finds its way inside through the small gaps of the curtains that used to hang in your son's room. The very room you refused to enter for the longest time. A scent you had feared would have disappear completely. Luckily, you had safely stored his belongings and wrapped them up to preserve them, including his bed sheets, a week after you had lost both your wife and son.   
  
Now here you are, seven years later, and you find yourself removing his pillow from the space saver bag and hold it close to you. The smell is still there and for that, you are grateful. You feel tears rushing from your eyes, and you do your best to keep quiet so Ruby doesn't wake up.

 

* * *

_You see your son playing with his trains and think that this is it. This is the reason why you and your wife both agreed that leaving Storybrooke was the best decision, and seeing how happy your son is, is the greatest sign you could be given. Yes, you understand that the three of you can never go back, but you and your wife know that it’s for the best. No more worrying about the roles and titles thrusted upon either of you. No Savior. No Evil Queen. Just Mama and Mommy. The only titles you and your wife could ever want._

_Your son sees you standing at the door, and puts his trains down to give you a hug and kiss._

_“Mommy, you’re home! Come play with me! Please!”_

_“Thank you for asking, Henry. What would you like for us to play?”_

_“Mmm…Dinosaurs!”_

_“Can you show me how to play?”_

_“Yes, Mommy! Like this!”_

 

_As you and your son play dinosaurs, you can’t help but think of being able to watch him grow up to be strong and kindhearted, just like his Mama._

* * *

One day, you will find the strength to give away some of your son's toys to charity. But for now, you'll keep them in their containers protecting them from dust and the effects of time. As you walk out of the room and look back one more time, a part of you says goodbye. It’s a small comfort before you go downstairs and begin the proper steps in healing, or as proper as you believe them to be.

* * *

You look in your fridge and, like every time Ruby comes to visit, it is completely stocked with food, compared to what it is usually filled with. You take the egg carton out, along with two tomatoes, shredded cheese, and bacon. You start the coffee maker and turn your attention back to the stove. Omelettes with toast sound quite appetizing, considering you don't usually eat much.   
  
You hear someone clear their throat so you turn around and see her.  
  
"Thank you for carrying me upstairs last night."   
  
You look up and smile at her softly. She walks over to you and places her hand on your shoulder.  
  
"You're welcome, Regina. Now, why don't you sit and let me cook?"  
  
You try to protest, but she won't hear it. She tells you breakfast will be ready in ten, and the quiet suggestion of doing something else hangs in the air. You give her a kiss on the cheek and grab a trash bag, opening the fridge.   
  
You remove the empty bottles of alcohol and put them in the trash bag. You also remove the bottles you haven't opened yet, setting them aside. You then make your way to each room, removing all the bottles as you go. You hit a roadblock when you reach your room. You hold the rum in your hand and, for a moment, you can’t bring yourself to toss it away. After all, the rum helped you hold onto those memories. The ones you could not bear to ever forget. You go into your bathroom and leave the bottle there. Everything else can go, but the rum. The rum can stay. You’re not ready to let go of the rum completely. Not yet. But eventually, you won’t need to rely on it to remember.

 

* * *

 

By the time you come back down, you have completely filled the trash bag which is now bursting at the seams. Ruby looks at you and, while she seems surprised, she is still encouraging.   
  
"You don't have to throw it all away at once. You can hold onto some of it and slowly wean yourself off. The recovery process isn't something that takes a few days or even a few weeks. It's a lifelong commitment. I don't want you to feel like you have to rush all of this, Regina. Everyone heals differently, and at their own pace. Don't feel like you have to because I'm here."  
  
You place the bag down and walk over to her.  
  
"Will you go with me? To the cemetery? I don't want to keep doing this."   
  
You motion to the empty bottles.  
  
"If I am to recover, I need to let go. Let go of the alcohol and let go of the pain and the blame and guilt from that night."  
  
"Regina, I'll go with you to the cemetery. But first, you should eat. Please."  
  
You nod and sit down. She gives you your plate and pours you a glass of water. You look up at her confused before she explains.  
  
"You need water to clear out your system right now."  
  
You smile and agree.  
  
"I suppose I wouldn't want to rely on caffeine."  
  
"Right, exactly. Regina, I hope you don't think I'm telling you what to do."  
  
"Ruby, you're not. You're helping. Thank you."  


* * *

  
Once the two of you reach the cemetery, Ruby holds your hand as you do your best to lead her to your wife and son's final resting place. You try your hardest to come at least three times a year - their birthdays and Christmas. You remove the dead leaves and flowers that are scattered around their graves. Ruby moves to give you space but you hold onto her.   
  
"Stay." You manage to whisper.  
  
Ruby nods and stands right beside you.   
  
"Hi, Emma. Hi, Henry. I brought Ruby with me. I hope you don't mind."  
  
You take a few breaths before continuing.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when the two of you needed me the most. I blame myself every single day. But I can't do that anymore. I have to heal properly. I can't keep going back to that night. I hope you understand. One day, we will all be together again, and I promise I won't ever let either of you go, but for now, I want to let go of the pain and the guilt. I have to. I need to. Henry, you gave me the best three years of being a mother, and I thank you for that. And Emma, you loved me when I thought I was unworthy of such compassion. I will always love you both. It's been seven years and while the pain of losing the both of you still remains, I want to start living again.”  


* * *

You place new flowers for your wife and son and get up. You press a soft kiss on each of their headstones and look at Ruby. 

  
"Take me home?" You ask.  
  
You smile when Ruby places a kiss on your forehead and takes your hand. As she starts up the car you look over in the direction your wife and son are and think about how you’ve made so much progress today. And as you look back at Ruby, you're both glad and relieved to have her with you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a week after the events in chapter 3. I would like to clarify that this is a Swan Queen story. Right now, Regina does not know that Emma and Henry are very much alive. Try to remember that Regina has been in pain for the last seven years and is only now deciding to move on with her life. The song suggestion is Circles by Eden. Whoever can correctly guess which lyrics in the song inspired me the most while writing this chapter, I will write a drabble for them :)

You look down at her and think that everything in life seems to be bittersweet. You know you have to say goodbye until next year, but you would like it if she stayed for more than a week. But that would mean you actually voicing your feelings. Feelings you still aren't certain of.

To think, that it has already been a week since she came back into your life. That in this past week alone, you have thrown out most of the alcohol and acknowledged the fact that you do need to get help.

Her voice rouses you from your musings.

"You're thinking too loudly. Come back to sleep." She says to you.

A woman who has been incredibly kind to you when reality has been so cruel these past seven years, after your wife and child were brutally taken from you. A woman who you can see caring for and possibly falling in love with, the feeling increasing with every second she makes the decision to stay for more than the week.

You smile as she falls back to sleep. You realize you've been doing that more often - smiling. You are allowing yourself to be happy again. Because of her, you do not feel as though your heart is continuing to break apart.

To think, that seven years have passed and you are making the necessary changes to move on with your life. After all, you have to live again. You cannot merely try to survive. You place a kiss on her forehead and smile when she pulls you closer to her.

The next time your eyes open, you realize her suitcase is still open with her clothes all over the place. She looks at you and silently asks the question you had wanted to ask her. The very question you had intended to ask her, ' _Will you stay_?'

Now it is her who is asking you.

"Would you like me to stay?"

You surprise her by saying, "Yes."

This time, when she kisses you, you do not pull away. You allow yourself to lose all those fears and doubts and enjoy the moment.

* * *

 

You listen to her talk on the phone as she places an order for delivery and think back to the other day when she took you for your first therapy appointment. Your therapist gave you a journal and a voice recorder. You were told to write down your thoughts and record whatever came to mind.

You look down at the journal and back towards the woman you are feeling strongly about. You take a pen and begin writing. The more you write, the more you start to feel lightness in your heart.

_Emma_ ,

_I will keep this short for now. I hope wherever you are, you are with Henry, and that the two of you are safe and sound. It's been one week since I went to see you both. I am doing all I can to get better. I will never truly be over the loss of you and our son. I know that. However, that does not mean I should stop living. I love you. I love Henry. You will never know how much I miss you both, and there will never be a day I stop thinking of you and our son._

* * *

 

**Five months later || June 2012**

You have a smile on your face when you look at the time and realize that she'll be here soon with lunch. You also realize you haven't been this happy in years, and today has been the first day since she stayed, that you don't feel guilty for moving on. You're about to go into your office when you feel someone looking at you. You glance up and see a face you hadn't seen within arms' reach in seven years – your Emma.

You hold in a breath and dare not blink. Someone calls your name and when you see that no one has, you turn back around only to see Ruby. You motion for her to follow you and ask her to close the door to your office. Her smile instantly fades as you grip onto your chair for balance.

"Regina, what is it? Regina, can you hear me?"

After what feels like an hour, you finally respond.

"I saw her. I saw Emma."

You close your eyes and brace yourself. If she leaves, it is only because you have failed to completely move on, even after all these years, and these past few months with the progress you have made. You feel your tears being wiped away by her and she kisses you.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. Open your eyes, beautiful."

You do so, and know that she truly does care for you and love you. She spends the next hour comforting you as you breathe in and out. You feel better and know that the next time you think you see your dead wife, you will simply close your eyes and breathe. That night, Ruby holds you close, and you know you are safe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am blown away from the response I continue to get with this story. This is still a Swan Queen story. You have to understand that Regina believes that her wife and son are both dead and have been dead for the past seven years. So the past four chapters have been about Regina as she recovers from such a devastating loss. This chapter will have a slight jump but will begin by following the events that happened in the last chapter. With Chapter Two, I did show how happy Regina seemed to be. The jump you will see here will be six years later (this story started in 2012 which meant Henry would be ten), and with the jump later on in this chapter (2018 which means Henry is sixteen before he and Emma reenter Regina’s life for good). I will make sure to clearly state the dates in this chapter. As always, reviews and comments are more than welcome :)

**December 28, 2012 || A few days after Christmas when Regina removes the necklace (mentioned back in Chapter 2)**

 

You look at the woman who has been your saving grace and who has been so incredibly supportive. You quietly and slowly get out of bed and put a robe on. You head downstairs to start making some coffee. As you do so, you recall the last session you had with your therapist as you wait for Ruby to wake up and join you for breakfast.

 

_“I don’t know why you look so frightened, Regina. You have made incredible improvement within these past several months. You should be proud of yourself.”_

_“It took so long for me to heal.”_

_“But you are healing. You are moving on. That’s all that matters. Compared to where you were before, focus on all you have been able to do so far.”_

_“I have Ruby to thank and you, of course, for my improvement.”_

_“Speaking of Ruby, how do you feel moving on with her?”_

_“I feel safe and loved, like I was when Emma was still alive.”_

_“Now, I’m going to press pause. Let’s go over what I can see you really want to discuss for today’s session. How do you feel about having another child?”_

_“I always wanted a sibling for Henry. I suppose I have always wanted another child, and while that want decreased over the years, I still desire another child. I know that no other child will replace Henry. I’m not looking for that. Because to me, I will always be Henry’s mother and the mother of any future children I may have.”_

_“Now the question remains – do you want a child with Ruby?”_

_“I see a future with her. I see myself having a child with her.”_

_“Then, what's holding you back?”_

_“I don’t want it to seem like I have forgotten my wife and son. I don’t want it to seem like I can easily move on without them.”_

_“Right there. That is the main issue you have been fighting with all these years. It has been seven years since you lost them. You did not move on right away, and when you did, it took months for you to move on with Ruby. It is hard to let go of that guilt. But you are not alone._ ”

 

You’re lost in your thoughts until you feel arms wrap around you.

 

“Morning, beautiful.”

 

“Morning, Ruby.”

 

“What would you like for breakfast? I’ll make anything you want.”

 

“I wish you could, but we’re going grocery shopping today, remember? There are hardly any options for breakfast.”

 

“There should still be a few eggs left. I’ll make you those along with hash browns. How does that sound?”

 

“Sounds perfect. Thank you.”

 

You smile as she kisses you before she starts making breakfast for the both of you. As she sings while she cooks, you think that this is it. This moment is perfect.

 

“Ruby?”

 

“Yes, Regina?”

 

“How do you feel about children?”

 

She turns off the stove before turning around to face you.

 

“I think they’re great. There was a time when I wanted them.”

 

“And now? How do you feel about having children now? Or at least a child?”

 

“I want one, but I’m not going to force you to make such a decision. Just know I’m here no matter what. Even if there isn’t a child.”

 

“I want a child with you, Ruby.”

 

“How?”

 

“We can adopt.”

 

“Then, we adopt. Let’s eat breakfast first before we discuss this, okay?”

 

* * *

 

 

**March 11, 2018 || Thirteen years after Regina lost Henry and Emma**

 

You wake up in the morning, glad to have the next two days off from work. You smile as you are surrounded by both your wife and daughter on either side of you. Your daughter had been a blessing when the two of you adopted her as a baby three years ago. You try to get out of bed, but their arms hold you tighter. You can spare a few more minutes of sleep.

 

* * *

  
 

Ruby couldn’t wait to get home. Her wife and daughter were waiting for her at home with dessert. All that was left was for Ruby to pick up their dinner.

 

“Hey, Ruby! Your order will be ready in a minute.”

 

Ruby thanks the woman and suddenly tenses. Someone was watching her. She knew it. Her wolf knew it. Ruby is shaken from her thoughts when she is handed her food. As she walks down the block to where she parked her car, she makes the call to go away from her car. She stops when she reaches the town’s fountain.

 

“Whoever you are, I carry mace.”

 

“Relax.”

 

Ruby gasps. There was no way she heard that voice right. It sounded like it belonged to her friend who died thirteen years ago. Ruby turns around and while shock appears on her face for a few seconds, anger replaces it.

 

“What the actual fuck is going on here, Emma?”

 

“Look, I can explain. I can be with Regina again.”

 

“News flash, Emma! Regina doesn’t need you anymore. She doesn’t need to be haunted by the memories you once shared. She doesn’t need any of that. She needs to move on.”

 

“She’s my _wife_ , Ruby. She always will be. Nothing will change that.”

 

“Oh, really? Well, did you ever ask yourself, “ _When did I stop loving Regina_?”

 

“I never stopped loving her!”

 

“You know what marriage is, Emma?”

 

“A lot better than you, _Ruby_.”

 

“I may not be married, but I do know this: marriage is about love and trust. Do you honestly believe Regina is going to welcome you with open arms after the hell you put her through for the past thirteen years? Thirteen years, Emma! Let that sink in. Did you know she was rushed to the emergency room eighteen times in the first year she lost you and Henry? Or that she had to admit herself into a psychiatric ward for six months? Do you know how many times she attempted to kill herself? Because the pain of never seeing her wife and son ever again almost killed her? So, no, Emma, you lost the right to be her wife the moment you decided to fake yours and your son’s deaths. Does he even know that he has another mom? So think about all that before you decide to go see Regina again. Just stop thinking about yourself for once and think about her. Here’s a copy of her journal. Allow her to finally have peace. If you’re worried about her, just know I’m taking care of her. I love her, Emma. I’ll be damned if any harm comes to her. So for now, stay away. Regina just started her sobriety.”

 

Ruby leaves Emma and doesn’t bother to look back. As far as Ruby was concerned, Emma Swan died thirteen years ago, shattering the heart of the woman she had grown to love.

 

Emma watched Ruby leave and stomped over to her car. Once Emma was inside of her car, she started hitting the steering wheel as she screamed.

 

“She’s not yours! Damn it! She’s my wife!”

 

Emma’s screaming is brought to a halt when her phone goes off.

 

“What?”

 

Emma snarls. Bitterness clear in her voice.

 

“I’d watch that tone of yours, _Savior_. You’re needed back in town, so hurry up with your little road trip. Remember, your wife can’t see you, and neither can that blasted wolf.”

 

“Fine, _Mrs. Mills_.”

 

Emma hangs up. She looks down the street and can no longer see Ruby. She’d come back. She wasn’t going to lose her wife. Especially not to her so called best friend.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! Back with another update for this fic :) Next chapter will have a showdown between Emma and Ruby. Emma also reveals herself to Regina.

_Ruby,_

_This journal contains specific entries detailing all the bad and good I have gone through since that night when Emma and Henry were taken from me. The reason I want you to have this is because you have never once told me to move on or to do things I didn’t want to do. You have allowed me to heal at my own pace. You have always taken my feelings into consideration. In sharing these memories and entries with you, I hope to alleviate any doubts you may have of not being enough for me or not doing enough. And in helping you with your doubts, I hope to move forward with you and look towards our future together._

* * *

  


**March 13, 2013**

 

It’s time, Emma. It’s time for me to move on. Ruby and I have found a place together, and in a few years, we look forward to adopting. I am ready to move on completely. No more emergency room visits, no more drinking, and no more blaming myself for the things I can’t change. The truth is that I lost you and our son. Yet, that doesn’t mean I stop living. I want to live again, Emma. While I will always treasure the memories we made together, this house is no longer a home. It stopped being a home when I lost you both. I love you, Emma. I will always love you and our son.

* * *

 

**January 15, 2015**

 

Emma,  
  
This is my last letter to you. It’s been almost ten years since I lost you and our son. I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t go back in time to that night. I’ve gone to the emergency room, rehab (voluntarily), and now I’m at a point in my life, where I no longer feel guilt. While I will always carry a certain sadness and pain, I’m finally looking forward to the future. I thank you for allowing me to be your wife for a short time and a mother to our son. I thank you for encouraging me and making me feel safe all those years. Now, here I am, waiting for Ruby to come home from work.  
  
You should know that Ruby and I decided to adopt together and we were chosen to be the mothers of a baby girl. We’re still thinking of names because the birth mother wants us to choose. We have time to do so. Two more weeks. Two more weeks before Ruby and I get to be there for the delivery. We’ve been getting the house ready and everything. I can’t believe it’s been about two years since Ruby and I have moved into our new place.  
  
I want you to know that I’m happy. It’s all because of your best friend who has become my best friend and my wife. I love her. But not the same way I loved you. Which is good because I don’t want her ever thinking that I don’t love her as much as I loved you. I don’t want her ever thinking she’s not enough because she is.  
  
Anyway, I love you, Emma Swan. Thank you for giving me a chance. One day, I will see you again. Until then, take care of Henry.  
  
  
~ Regina Lucas

 

* * *

  
 

**January 15, 2015**

 

Henry, 

 

I think this will be the last time I write to you. If you were here, you would be thirteen, but you’re not. You were taken from me by some stranger. By someone who thought it was necessary to take two of the most important people in my life just to take a few belongings to sell for a profit. 

 

I can only imagine what it would’ve been like raising you as a teenager. I would’ve looked forward to it because I would have had your other mother helping me. I’d like to think that your Mama would teach you to drive, since I know I would most likely quiz you every time before we made it out of our driveway.

 

I always wanted you to be safe and loved. The first week we moved away from Storybrooke, you had a fever. I was beside myself. I didn’t have magic to heal you, and even if I did, healing magic wasn’t something I was used to doing. If anything, your Mama would have done it. For two days, I didn’t leave your side. Your Mama jokingly said that I might as well glue you to my hip. That was a good thing because I never wanted you to doubt whether or not your Mama and I loved you.

 

Anyway, I want you to know that I’m going to have another child. No, this baby won’t replace you. You see, I always knew I wanted more children after I held you in my arms. I just thought you would be here to hold your baby sibling. 

 

You’ll always be in my heart, Henry. But I don’t want to raise your sibling and have them think that they aren’t enough. I don’t want them to feel as though they’re living in your shadows. I want them to feel that they are loved by me. Completely. Which is why I want to say goodbye for now. Until we meet again.

 

Love, Mommy

 

* * *

  


_Ruby,_  
  
_You’ve reached the end of this journal. In total, you have read over thirty entries. You’ve seen me at my worst and have been there for me ever since that night. I want you to know that this is yours to keep and if anything, I do have the original journals, should this be lost or misplaced. Know that I love you and our daughter. Know that I love what we have and how much I look forward to each day with you and our daughter._

_Your Wife,_

_Regina Lucas  
_

* * *

 

Emma takes another shot and throws the glass against the fireplace. Why the hell did she leave her wife? She wouldn’t have done it, if this is how her wife lived for the first seven years after that night. Emma closes the journal and sets it aside. She looks at the clock and knows she’ll have to leave first thing in the morning for Storybrooke. Until then, she's going to see her wife.

 

Emma looks at the picture of Regina in her locket.

 

“I’m coming, Regina.”

 

With that, Emma gets out and starts walking to her wife’s house. She was going to get her wife back and bring her back to Storybrooke where their son would be waiting for them. Cora Mills and Ruby Lucas, be damned.


	7. Chapter 7

You smile as you hear a key in the door turn. You know it’s your wife before you even head to the front entrance with your daughter in tow. Your daughter had been waiting since noon for Mama to come home. Your daughter didn’t quite understand why you and Mama both couldn’t just stay home with her all day. Like every day that Mama came home from work, your daughter would start running to give her Mama a giant hug.  
  
However, you notice something’s wrong as soon as you see your wife’s face. While she smiles at seeing you both, her smile fades a little after your daughter goes to the playroom to show Mama a picture she drew. You give her a kiss and welcome her home. You know that whatever is on her mind can wait.  
  
Your wife whispers, “After dinner. I promise.”  
  
You nod and before you can thank her for bringing home dinner, your daughter comes back into the room showing her Mama a picture of your family. She explains that the one thing that looks like a bird is actually an angel named Henry.  
  
Your wife visibly tenses but you squeeze her hand as you praise your daughter’s art skills. Satisfied, your daughter goes back to draw more pictures.  
  
“Honey, it’s okay. I’m in a good place. I’m glad she knows that she has a brother and that he’s watching over all of us.”  
  
Your wife wraps her arms around your waist. No words are needed. Just the feeling of being held in your wife’s arms as you get your emotions together is enough. After taking a few minutes to just enjoy each other in the moment, you both go to your daughter and play with her. The sound of laughter filling your heart with such joy that you know you continue to thank and love both your wife and daughter.

* * *

  
  
You’re all about to eat some dessert when you hear the doorbell go off. Your wife sniffs and signals for you to take your daughter upstairs. You instantly get up, and you also tug at your wife to come with because you certainly weren’t going to lose another wife. But she shakes her head.  
  
Her eyes tell you that she won’t move. She wants to make sure you both are safe. Your daughter makes a sound and you quickly but as quietly as possible go upstairs and lock yourselves in your room. You rock your daughter back and forth and whisper reassurances that everything will be alright.  
  
You stay like that for maybe five minutes before you hear some voices.  
  
‘Oh god. Please no. Ruby!’  
  
You think in your head. This can’t be happening again.  
  
The main reason why you’re not physically shaking in absolute dread is because your daughter is holding onto you and looking up at you.  
  
“I’m going to check on Mama, okay, Reagan?”  
  
“No, Mommy. Stay with me.”  
  
You still hear voices, and they are increasing in volume.  
  
“Do you remember how to call for the police?”  
  
“Yes, Mommy. Dial 9-1-1.”  
  
“Exactly! I need you to be a big girl and hide right here. Don’t open the door for anyone. Can you do that?”  
  
“N-no!”  
  
Your daughter starts crying and wraps her arms around you. She refuses to let go.  
  
You tell her that you’ll stay. Ruby could handle it.  
  
Your heart starts to settle down when you hear Ruby shout and tell you that it’s safe to come back out. Before you can get up and do so, your daughter opens the door and goes straight to your wife.  
  
“Mama!”  
  
“It’s okay. Mama is right here. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
You rush down and soon join them.

 

* * *

  
  
Twenty minutes later after your daughter falls asleep in her Mama’s arms, your wife gives you a look.  
  
“I have to tell you something. I saw someone today from our past.”  
  
Your heart is racing. The only people from the past you two share are all from Storybrooke. You wonder how they managed to find you. How anyone managed to find you when you knew your wife never said a word even to her own grandmother about where you two were.  
  
“Who is it?”  
  
“Regina, I know why our marriage license was rejected.”  
  
You look at her confused.  
  
“No matter what the law says on homosexual marriage, you are my wife, Ruby. I just don’t see - is that how they found us? Because of a rejected marriage license?”  
  
“No. I don’t know how it’s possible but I saw Emma today.”  
  
Your ears are filled with a ringing noise. Emma? There’s no way. Unless, it was your mother.  
  
“Ruby, that’s impossible. We buried Emma and H-Henry.”  
  
“Breathe. Breathe with me.”  
  
You feel her wrap one arm around you as she holds your daughter in her other arm. You listen to her heart and match your breathing to the steady beating.

* * *

  
  
It takes a minute, and your ears have stopped ringing. However, you flinch when someone breaks down your front door. You and your wife turn around as your daughter opens her eyes. You look in shock.  
  
“E-Emma? N-no. You’re d-dead. You’re dead. You’re not here.”  
  
“Oh wow! Now I see why you wanted me to come back sober, Ruby! So this is how you grieved, Regina? By _fucking_ my best friend? And oh how _wonderful_! You not only are intimate with Ruby, you also have a child with her! Have you forgotten our son? You know, sweet baby Henry?”  
  
Emma’s voice is deadly as it pierces whatever peace is left in your home.  
  
“Mommy!" Reagan starts crying. She’s scared of this stranger who’s yelling at her mothers.  
  
Ruby takes control of the situation as you hold on to your daughter. Because you know if you tried to speak, nothing would be able to come out.  
  
“Leave now, Emma. I mean it. Before you say anything else you’ll regret.”  
  
“Or what? You’re going to bite me?”  
  
“Just leave! You’re scaring them both!”  
  
You try to move. Try to leave the room. But you can’t. Your feet are like concrete. You don’t know what happens next because you black out.

* * *

  
  
You come to and find your wife right by your side.  
  
“Ruby, I don’t understand. W-why?”  
  
Before Ruby can respond, Emma interrupts her.  
  
“You moved on. How could you? What happened to waiting for us?”  
  
You turn to see Emma. You’ve never seen her so furious before.  
  
“I thought...I thought you and Henry died. I thought you would have wanted me to move on.”  
  
Ruby holds your hand like she has always done. Just like she has continued to do so for the last thirteen years.  
  
“I never wanted you to move on! I’m your wife! Why the hell would I want you to be intimate with anyone else, Regina?”  
  
“Shut the fuck up, Emma! How dare you talk to her like that!”  
  
Ruby goes in front of you to make sure Emma doesn’t try to do something.  
  
“Get the hell out, Ruby! She’s my wife! Not yours! I’ll talk to her whenever I want to and however I please!”  
  
“Whenever you want to? That’s real rich coming from you. Are you actually shitting me right now? Because in the thirteen years you’ve been gone, you never once contacted her, which means you never saw how much pain she was in. What kind of wife are you? Actually scratch that. What kind of person are you? It’s like you have no sense of human decency, and yeah, I get the irony that it’s coming from me - a wolf.”  
  
Ruby lowers her voice.  
  
“Leave now. I won’t repeat myself. We can all discuss this tomorrow. Right now, there is a little girl upstairs, worried sick because there’s someone she doesn’t know in our home.”  
  
You look up at her. At the woman you had grieved for years. Instead of the smell you remember that was solely her own, she reeks of alcohol.  
  
“P-please.” You whisper.

 

You’re not sure if it’s the woman who once owned your entire heart or the ghost of all the demons you had to endure because of that night, when she walks out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this. Things are going to get rough before they can get better. And for those of you who are waiting for the Mommy series, it's coming soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! I want to hold off on my other works that have smut in them for now, since my inspiration is leaning towards this story and To Love Her Always. Anyway, enjoy the next chapter of Let the Light Back In :)

You rock your daughter to sleep in the rocking chair your wife built for you. By continuing to rock and listen to her breathing, it gives you an anchor to silence the panic that has been bubbling ever since you saw your other wife. Your dead wife.  
  
But how? Why? More questions than answers pour into your mind and you can’t stop them. Because you need to know. You have the right to know.  
  
After all these years, why would she come now? Why would she reveal herself this way? Looking back at everything that happened a few hours ago, you can’t help but feel upset and angry with yourself and her.  
  
Did she ever love you? Why would she fake her death and your son’s? Why couldn’t she tell you? And _now_? She expects for things to be the same? As if that night _never_ happened?  
  
You look down at your daughter and smile. Because out of everything, you don’t regret her or your wife Ruby.  
  
Oh, Ruby. You know you have to go and speak with her. You know that the longer it takes for you to join her in your bedroom, the more she’ll think you want to go back to your dead wife.  
  
That’s how you see her. She’s been dead for the past thirteen years and now she wants to be in your life and that’s why she’s suddenly alive?  
  
No. You can’t do that. You won’t. Not when Ruby has been your saving grace. Not when Ruby has always put you first.  
  
Ruby is most likely blaming herself for not protecting you and your daughter, but she did. She got you both upstairs as she dealt with the situation as best she could. You know you don’t blame her for not telling you right away that she saw Emma. She wanted to make sure you were alright before dropping a bombshell. Ruby was most likely in shock and still processing it when she got home. She may have thought that you’d leave her now that your dead wife and son were back and alive.  
  
But no, you wouldn’t. Sure, your son would be welcomed back because he was only a child. Emma, whose name still hurts to say, was an adult. She should’ve known better than to do all of this, no matter her reasons. And to come back drunk, scaring you and your daughter?  
  
It was and is unacceptable.  
  
You’re thankful that Ruby has given you some space. You need this time to just simply breathe.  
  
After placing your daughter in her bed, you leave the door open, in case anything should happen. You walk into your bedroom and your wife Ruby is beside herself.  
  
“Ruby. I’m here.”  
  
Ruby looks up at you and wipes her tears away.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Your heart breaks because of course, she would blame herself. You wrap your arms around her and whisper reassurances.  
  
“It’s not your fault, my love. I promise. I love you.”  
  
“You do?”  
  
Ruby searches your eyes. For the first time in years, she looks vulnerable. She looks just as vulnerable as the night you first told her that you loved her, as if she didn’t deserve it, as if she was dreaming.  
  
“I will never stop loving you. Ruby, you are my wife, regardless of her return. Just because she’s alive doesn’t mean I’m going to just push you aside. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you or our daughter. As far as I’m concerned, I only have one wife, and her name is Ruby Lucas.”  
  
Your words give her great comfort as she immediately relaxes into your hold. You can feel the tension and doubt melt away from her.  
  
Later on, when she’s fallen asleep, you can’t help but thank the universe for bringing her into your life and for continuing to love you. You can’t help but blame yourself for the tears she shed today.  
  
Tomorrow is a new day. And tomorrow, you will confront your past. Because you will be damned if you let your past tear apart your present and future.  
  
As you find reprieve from all that has happened, in your sleep, you can’t help but move closer to the woman who has done nothing but put you and your daughter first.


	9. Chapter 9

Being at work is a painful reminder that you aren’t home with your wife and daughter. Your wife took a sick day, and you wish you could’ve done the same. You had already taken two days off earlier this week, and you didn’t want to push your luck with your boss, who seemed hell bent on firing even more employees. You buckle down and meet with clients until it’s time for you to take a mandatory lunch break. When you sit at your usual spot by the window, an uneasy sinking feeling settles inside of you as if you’re being watched.  
  
Was it Emma? Surely, she wouldn’t follow you to your work? Not when you were still trying to grasp all that occurred recently.

Emma. At one point that name and the woman it belonged to, brought you great joy. But now? You can’t help but feel betrayed.  
  
What was once a beautiful marriage is nothing more than a cavern filled with lies and despair. Did she not know what you went through? You almost killed yourself because the thought of never seeing her or your son again was too much to bear. And your son. Sweet Henry. He’s almost eighteen by now, just shy of two years. How could she take him away from you like that? How could she fake their deaths in such a horrific way?  
  
You think back to the morning before you lost them, or so you thought. Emma, no matter how many times you think of her name or say it, it feels foreign, strange. It feels unbearable even. Emma was smiling at you and told you how much she loved you, before you went off to work. Her face was so loving to you, just like it had always been until now that is.  
  
Yes, your dead wife’s face used to make you happy but how can it, when all you see is her mocking you? If she had loved you, she wouldn’t have lied for so long and let you almost kill yourself. You waited seven years before moving on. You didn’t move on right away.  
  
For her to say such things. She saw you as someone having an affair. Ruby wasn’t someone you randomly hooked up with. Ruby was the one who helped you in your time of need, and never once, did she push you into doing things. Ruby always made sure you dictated the pace of your relationship, and for that, you are grateful. And for Emma to cheapen or suggest otherwise of your love for Ruby was too much.

Even after you had begged for her to leave last night, you felt as though Emma wouldn’t leave completely. You wanted and needed answers, only she could provide. However, seeing your daughter crying because some stranger was yelling at you and your wife, was inappropriate.

As you continue going over what to do, you can’t help but feel uncertainty and dread bubble up inside of you. It’s as though you weren’t destined to have peace in your life. If you are being watched by her right now, you can only hope she won’t come by your home unannounced.  


* * *

  
  
“Mommy! Can we go to the park today?”  
  
You smile as your daughter gives you a hug and kiss.  
  
“After you finish eating your breakfast and brush your teeth, we can go.”  
  
Ruby and you were a little worried that Emma would come back, but you both decided that you all couldn’t live in fear.  
  
Emma had already taken so much from you. You would be damned if you let her take Ruby or Reagan away from you.  
  
By the time you reached the park, your daughter went to play on the swing set, while you sat on a bench nearby. You were content to read your book and keep an eye on Reagan, when you were interrupted by someone clearing their throat.  
  
You looked up, and saw a young man.  
  
“Hi. I’m your son. Henry.”  
  
You let out a soft gasp. Henry stood in front of you. Gone was the little boy who would watch Land Before Time with you and help you bake cakes in the kitchen. Here stood a boy who was already on his way to becoming a young man.

 

* * *

 

He patiently waits for you to speak. You look over to Reagan and visibly relax seeing her play with your next door neighbor’s grandchildren.  
  
“Hello, H-Henry.”  
  
You dare not make a move in case this is all a dream.  
  
Henry sees you hold back and he backs away a few steps, but still close enough for you to see him.  
  
“She’s not here. I don’t want you panicking any more than you probably are right now, and you have every right to be. I just wanted to let you know, so there’s one less thing for you to worry about.”  
  
Henry meant Emma. Here he was after all these years, and you couldn’t even get up to hug him. Would he even want a hug from you? Does he even remember you? Or is it only because Emma told him that you were his other mother?  
  
You do the next best thing and make room for him on the bench. Determined, Henry sits down, making sure to leave some space between the two of you.  
  
You don’t know what to say. What can you say? That you watched the Land Before Time movies so much, the VHS tapes gave out? That you donated all of his toys except his stuffed dinosaur because Reagan now sleeps with it every night to feel close to the brother who she believes to be an angel watching over her? That you still haven’t told Reagan that her brother is alive for fear of confusing her or rather, not having your son back permanently in your life?

You could blink, and the next thing you would see was no one beside you. This had to be a trick. Why would your son be here without his other mother?

 

* * *

 

You move your gaze to your daughter who is seemingly having such a good time.  
  
“Does she like dinosaurs?”  
  
Henry asks you, and you’re a little startled.  
  
“Yes. She loves them, especially the one she has in her room.”

“That’s good.”

 

* * *

 

A calming silence descends upon you both for several minutes before he begins to speak again.  
  
“How old is she?”  
  
“She’s three.”  
  
You release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You had to explain. You needed to. It’s not as though your son could have read all those letters you had written to him in your journal.  
  
“She’s not your replacement. Before I say anything else, I just want you to know that.”

* * *

 

You can feel tears beginning to run down your cheeks. Henry places his hand on top of yours, slowly and gently.  
  
“You don’t have to explain. I know. I just...I want you to know that even if things don’t work out between you and my other mom, I’ll always be your son. But only if you want me back in your life. I think what she did to you was pretty shitty, and even though she had her reasons, I can’t help but hold some anger toward her for taking me away from you. I cried out for you the first few days. I didn’t know why or what was going on. I just knew that I wanted you to hold me and to make everything better.”  
  
You look at your son and soon find yourself moving closer to him before deciding to hell with all of it, and hug him. He hugs you back and doesn’t let go as you feel his tears on your shoulder. Your son was back, and even though he seemed determined in wanting to be a part of your life, you can’t help but wonder what else is there to come.

 

* * *

 

“Bye!”

“Bye, Reagan. It was great meeting you.”

“Want to come over and play with me sometime?”

Henry looks up at you. He’s asking for permission with his eyes, and you immediately agree.

“Why don’t we ask next week if Henry can come then?”

“Why can’t we ask now, Mommy?”

“Henry has to ask his mother first. Just like you have to run it with Mama to make sure he can come. Okay?”

“Okay! I’ll ask you next week, Henry! Bye!”

 

Henry says his goodbyes to you both and goes in the opposite direction. By the time you reach home, you’re almost tempted to just find Emma and get everything out in the open. But you can’t, and you won’t. Not when your wife and daughter need you with them, and especially when you weren't in the wrong. If anything, it was Emma who needed to come to you. Hopefully sober. 

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this and make it a multi-chapter fic, if any of you are interested. Let me know :)


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